What's An XMan to Do?
by Pheonixlikethecity
Summary: Students from Xavier's school come to Sky High and find it not exactly what they anticipate. There's an invasion going on and they have to decide if they want to help or, well, not.
1. Chapter 1: There Goes the Neighborhood

List of X-Men Characters

Kurt Wagner - Nightcrawler  
Warren Worthington III - Angel  
Alison Blaire - Dazzler  
Rogue – Anna Marie  
Gambit – Remy LeBeau  
Bobby Drake - Iceman  
Pyro – St. John Allerdyce  
Jubilee – Jubilation Lee  
Kitty Pryde - Shadowcat  
Wanda Maximoff – Scarlett Witch  
Pietro Maximoff - Quicksilver  
Jenny

In no way do I own X-Men or Sky High or get money from this story. I made all the X-Men listed above teenagers - I know it's not canon, but I figured if the movies can screw stuff up royally, then so can I. And this story is not supposed to be serious; just good humor stuff.

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Chapter 1: There Goes the Neighborhood

"No. I'm telling you he would totally win. He is indestructible, super fast, and doesn't need sleep."

"Yeah, well, so was the Judge. And you're forgetting she beat a god. An actual god, from another dimension and everything. AND a lot of other demons who were bigger and badder than that - "

"Don't you dare start calling names. Anyway, it's not like she killed her – the only way that happened was because she turned back into him and he was mortal and it wasn't even her, it was someone else."

"So? At least she didn't sparkle."

"Oh, I know you -"

"Oh look, there's the bus. Yay, bus!"

Jubilee and Kitty stopped arguing to watch the bright yellow bus roll to a stop in front of them. The door opened. The group let Jubilee and Kitty get on first so they could get seats as far away from those two as possible. Hearing them bicker for what seemed like hours (actually, on again/ off again for a couple of weeks) had not exactly put everyone in a good mood.

As they were getting on the bus driver, who just seemed to be in a peachy mood way too early in the morning said "Hi. The name is Ron Wilson – Bus Driver. You the kids from Professor Xavier's school?"

"Yes, sir." said Jubilee.

"Welcome. Find a seat on the bus and we'll get rolling."

Jenny and Kurt were the last two to get on the bus. They hesitated at the front when they noticed the only seat left available was in front of the bickering teenagers.

"Thanks a lot" hissed Jenny to the others as she walked by them in their safe seats all nice and out of the way. John smirked and Rogue sheepishly shrugged her shoulders – the others avoided eye contact; as well they should. They were just glad they didn't have to hear another round of who would win in a fight – Edward or Buffy.

As the two unlucky X-men in training walked to the "Seat of Doom", they took no notice of the others they passed - which meant they didn't notice the wary looks, rolling eyes, and hateful glares directed their way from the Sky High students.

Before they even got to their seat – they heard it. Them. Jubilee and Kitty. Some explanations for or against in the Buffy vs Edward argument were too silly to repeat, but to give you a hint, they included sparkliness (that never gets old), nancy-boy hair gel, and – dare I say it? – the "hawtness" that is Robert Pattison although what hawtness has to do with fighting skills this authoress will never know.

"I can't take zis anymore, Chenny" whispered Kurt as they sat down. "It is von ding to hear them argue about fighting, but ven zey start talking about chests and body hair . . . "

Jenny looked at Kurt and sighed. He had a point. Then she turned around in her seat and told the two girls "Look. I've been listening to you argue for the past few days, and I have come to a conclusion. Kitty has the strongest argument. Juby, you're wrong. Find something else to talk about. Or I'll get Remy to blow up your books, Juby, and your movies, Kitty."

Kitty, who had started laughing stopped when her movies were threatened. "Hey now, let's think about this for a -"

Jubilee squawked. "You –"

"Everyone hold on tight. Next stop Sky High!" Ron Wilson – Bus Driver yelled.

The kids were slammed against the back of their seats. A few of them gasped slightly out of shock at the force. But since they all had ridden in the "company jet" as Logan likes to call it or on Warren (*snickers* okay, not ON Warren – well, just Ali. And that was just the one time. Due to a large amount of alcohol, and, you know, horniness *end snicker*) none of them were screaming in fright or laughing hysterically like . . . some people in some stories that shall not be named.

.

Anyhoo – yes I just wrote that word and now excuse me while I kill myself for just becoming my mother.

......

......

......

......

Okay – so I lied about the killing myself thing, but I'll just have you know –

GET ON WITH IT!

Right. Okay, okay. Jeez.

The bus finally arrived at Sky High. Ron said something but the mutant kids (or "genetically challenged" as the more pc people would say) didn't hear him. They were busy staring through the windows at their new school – and then getting out of the bus and staring some more.

The Sky High kids took off running towards the entrance to the school. I'm not joking. It was running. Which the new kids thought was kinda weird at first – but then they really started noticing the people standing outside as they slowly walked towards the school.

As they walked by the first group of people, they (and when I say they I'm really talking about the guys in the group) noticed a chick in a tight fitting very short dress with curly dirty blond hair.

She said "I can't believe I broke a nail beating up that ungrateful little mortal. Jinx!"  
"Yes, you're beautaciousness?"  
"Find me an emery board."  
"Right away most wonderous, most delightful, most – "  
"Shut up you little worm and get me my EMERY BOARD!"

Kitty gasped "Wait, isn't that – "

Before she could finish the question, two kids on brooms came flying dangerously close to their heads as they zipped around the school. After standing back up after ducking (they do have really good reflexes), their eyes followed the brooms and noticed the next group. The next group also had on robes and two people – well, one male teenager with a lightening scar on his forehead and a weird looking pale snake-like dude – were wrestling in the middle as the others were watching and chanting "Fight. Fight. Fight."

"Who is that?" questioned Pietro.

The two dudes (or dude and a half to be more accurate) somehow conveniently heard the question and stopped wrestling. They stood up and walked over to the new kids.

"You don't know who I am?" asked the kid with the scar – with quite a bit of arrogance and incredibility, if I may add. "I'm Harry fucking Potter, bitch. This here" he said as he swung an arm over the pale guy's neck "is my bro – he's called the Dark Lord, or DL to his friends."

"Zup" said DL.

"Me and him's got a love/hate relationship going on depending on the story line. Sometimes we hate each other, sometimes we shag, sometimes we go out and find wenches together."

"Dude" both of them exclaimed as they did that knuckle hitting thing guys do.

"We need to get back to our match. Ladies, call me." said Harry Potter.

"Later" said DL.

"Holy. Shit." said Bobby.  
"Was that really them?" asked Warren.

Before they could talk about what they saw, another teenage boy ran by yelling "If you don't leave me alone, you hunk of metal, my girlfriend's gonna kick your ass!" Following the teenager, walking more slowly, was the person . . . or thing . . . supposedly chasing him. It looked kind of like . . . Arnold Schwarzenegger?? "I am a sex machine." Arnold said. He . . it . . turned its head and looked at them as it passed by "Sex machine." it repeated.

Wanda said "Okay, that one was beyond me. Anyone know who that one is supposed to be?"

John opened his mouth to answer her, but before he could, a very beautiful woman with dark hair and blue eyes came running up to them.

"Are you the new kids?" she asked.

"Yes, ma'am" drawled John appreciatively.

"Come with me" she replied. "And walk fast. I'll explain when we're in my office."

So they walked. Fast. Even so, they heard a few snippets here and there.

"Oh, my God. You killed Kenny." "You bastards!"  
"Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?"  
"I am your father."  
"Tonight, I dine on turtle soup!"  
"I am the great Cornholio. I need T.P. for my bunghole."  
"Quick, Quinn. Get the camera!"  
"Attica. Attica. Attica." (Okay, not really this one; I just always wanted to write it.)

But they eventually got to her office. Everyone was in one piece – just really confused and kinda disgusted (remember: Harry + DL = gross)

"I want to apologize for what you've witnessed. We are striving to . . . take care of this situation as soon as possible. Ever since that movie came out about us, this place has gotten . . . interesting. But it's nothing for you to be concerned about. You'll be safe here. Luckily we have kept most of them outside and the ones that make it in have . . . other things on their minds. But as I said it's nothing for you to worry about. Since you are transfer students and temporarily here under special circumstances, I have taken the liberty and made up your schedules instead of first determining whether you are hero or sidekick."

She passed each a schedule and a handy-dandy map of the school classrooms (convenient, no?).

"Do you have any questions? No? Then first period starts in about 5 minutes. I would suggest you hurry."

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Author's Note: Why are the X-Men really there? What is going on at that school? Can the X-Men help? And who exact is Jenny (even though some of you have probably already figured that out). These answers and others will be answered next . . . on Sick Sad World.

Hope you enjoyed this. Please leave a comment if you see anything I need to improve - it's my first story so I know there's probably lots of stuff.

As to all of the references I made in this chapter, let's see if I can remember them:  
1. GET ON WITH IT - Monty Python  
2. Curly dirty-blond hair chick - None other than Glorificus (or skanky ho or Hell-Bitch, depending on who you talk to) - Buffy  
3. Harry Potter and DL - that one kinda goes without saying  
4. Running Teenager - John Connor (in his teenage years on Sarah Connor), his girlfriend - Cameron, Arnold - terminator  
5. "I am a sex machine" - foreign exchange student on Can't Hardly Wait  
6. "Oh, my God. You killed Kenny." "You bastards!" - Stan and Kyle from South Park  
7. "Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?" - Joker from Batman  
8 . "I am your father." - Darth Vader from Star Wars  
9. "Tonight, I dine on turtle soup!" - The Shredder; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles  
10. "I am the great Cornholio. I need T.P. for my bunghole." - Butthead; Beavis and Butthead  
11. "Quick, Quinn. Get the camera!" - Daria from Daria  
12. "Attica. Attica. Attica." - Al Pacino from Dog Day Afternoon  
13. Sick Sad World – Again, from Daria.


	2. Chapter 2: So What's For Lunch?

Again – Disclaimer – Characters aren't mine, blah blah blah.

Chapter 2

The group exited the office, feeling mostly confused. They walked a few yards away and then stopped.

"Who was that lady? She never introduced herself. Is she one of our teachers?" Kitty asked.

"Principal Powers" Warren said.

"How'd you figure that one out? You have powers you haven't shared?" Ali asked

"No. Door."

"Oh." *facepalm*

"And did she jus tol us we suppose to go to class and forget we saw what we saw?" Remy asked.

"There's no way."  
"Did you see the brooms –"  
"-this is vorse than before –"  
"- the frakkin Terminator? What kind of shoddy writing –"  
"What about the cartoons? Who knew –"  
" – got to do something – "  
" – HellBitch and her lackeys – "

"Enough!" exclaimed Bobby. Their voices were becoming louder and louder. Luckily for them, at the moment the hall was empty, but with the extreme chaos going on, there was no telling how long that was going to last. And they did need to get to class. The others quieted down and looked at him. Ever since the beginning of the incident at their school, the others, including John (even though he would never admit it) had begun to look to Bobby as something more than just a peer; they had begun to respect him as a leader. During the Plague (as they like to call it), the kids had become tighter knit – helping each other out; helping each other survive. And it was Bobby and John's ideas that were at the heart of ridding the school of the pestilence that had come upon them.

"This won't get us anywhere. We have to know what we're up against. If it's them. If they followed us. Or if they're here for another reason. We need to observe. Look for anything out of the ordinary. Ask questions, but be careful. We don't want whatever it is to focus on us." Their faces became grim, thinking of everything that had happened over the past few months. "If it's them, try to find out who their target or targets are. We'll meet up at lunch and go from there. Agreed?"

The group nodded their heads or voiced their consent. They looked around at each other, knowing how bad it could get and hoping they all come out of it alive. Then without a word, they went their separate ways.

_____________________ SKIP TO LUNCH ______________________

All 12 of the group squeezed into one table together. It was a tight fit (a VERY tight fit), but they were, quite frankly, terrified of sitting with anyone else with all the strange stuff they'd been seeing. And that says a lot considering they've seen a lot of strange stuff. Also they had to report what they'd been seeing and hearing.

Warren began. "Remy, Jenny and I were in first period together. And we gathered that there was definite Mary Sue activity here. Why or who they are after we unfortunately couldn't find out."

Kurt leaned in to look at Jenny over John: "You veren't able to tell?"

"No. I'm sorry, I tried. I just couldn't sense anything. I think it's because I've never been here. I don't know this place or these people."

As Warren was about to continue, a scream and the sound of glass shattering ripped through the air. Startled and already on the nervous edge, the group jumped out of their seats and turned towards the sound, their training taken over. There was a shattered window, but the odd thing was noone else got up. There was no loud talking, no gasps of surprise. In fact, everyone else in the cafeteria turned and looked at them like they were the crazy ones. One by one they slowly sat down.

"Remy, Jenny, since you two are closest, can you go and –"

"On it."

Remy nodded his head. They both walked to the window and looked out.

"You tink it was a Sue, cher?"  
"Probably. But where is she?"  
"She may a got trown over te side. That would have took a lot of strength though or some o' them head powers like Ms. Grey got."

They turned around and looked at the nearest table. The table stared right back. Some of them looked familiar and Remy realized they had been on their bus, but at the time everyone was too worried about escaping from Juby and Kitty to really notice. They were an oddly assorted group. Kind of like them. There was a tall skinny pale guy with spiky equally pale hair, a pretty dark complected girl with odd fashion sense and purple stripes in her hair, a red haired girl wearing green, a fidgety black boy wearing glasses, a curly haired boy, and another guy with a black jacket and from the glare he was tossing at them, a huge chip on his shoulder.

Remy smiled slowly and opened his mouth to speak, but then felt Jenny touch his hand. They looked at each other and Jenny just slightly shook her head no. At the look in her eyes and realizing the audience they had, he nodded. They nodded their heads to the group sitting and walked back to their table, Jenny on the side facing them and Remy with his back to them.

"Well, what happened?"  
"Did you see anything?"

Remy said "No, we didn see nobody. Whoever it was is long gone. Figure it was a Sue that got thrown though the window, but don't no who or how. You see anything?" he asked the ones that would have been facing that direction.

"Noting. It must have happened quick. Our teachers vud be disappointed." replied Kurt.

"Who are those people at that table? Did anyone have class with them?" asked Jenny.

Pietro: "The guys with the curly hair is Will Strongfield . . ."

Wanda: "Stronghold."

Pietro: ". . . we had him in one of our classes. He seems a nice enough guy. Lot of nervous laughter, though. The girl in the green is his girlfriend Lilah . . . "

Wanda: "Layla."

Pietro: "Wanda."

Wanda: "What?"

Pietro: "Shut up."

Wanda: "Bite me."

Anna interjected "What's his power?" She knew from experience that the siblings could go on bickering for quite a while and they didn't have a lot of time before they had to go back to class.

Pietro: "He's strong and he can fly."

Bobby: "He's parents are Commander and Jet Stream. They call them both super heroes."

Warren: "Super heroes? Lucky them. Us they just call mutants or freaks."

Kitty: "Who's the one giving us the go-to-hell look? He's kinda cute."

John: "Warren Peace. Dad's a super villain, Will's dad put him there." John sighed deeply. "He throws fireballs."

Jubilee: "Neat. Like you."

John grinded his teeth together and glared at Warren: "No. Not like me. Evidently _some_ people aren't good enough to create fire."

Jubilee: "He creates fire? Manipulates it too? Cool"

Kitty: "Makes him even hotter."

John perked up a little as though he just thought of something: "He can't manipulate it like me. He just throws fireballs."

Anna (smirking just a little on the inside): "I guess that still makes you Numero Uno."

John perking up a little more and throwing a smirk Warren's way (even though he didn't see it because he was too busy, you know, being mad at the world): "It does, doesn't it?"

Jenny, patting John soothingly on the back and trying not to smile: "Of course it does."

Ali: "Warren and Will, huh. I had a couple of Mary Sues in one of my classes and they kept gossiping about those two." She scrunched her nose. "Okay, not really gossiping so much as arguing over which one was hotter and who would do what first when they finally 'bowed down to their will.'" She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, they're hot and stuff, but I've seen better." She looked at Warren and winked.

Warren blushed and squirmed a little in his seat. There were some things he was just not comfortable talking about it public, and boy did she enjoy watching him squirm.

*Ring, Ring, goes the bell*

Lucky Warren.

Bobby: "Find out as much as you can about the others they were sitting with. We may have just found our targets. We'll talk again after we get back to the houses."

______________________________

Note: Yep, that 'frak' word came straight from Battlestar Galactica (the new one, not the old ones).


End file.
